I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
