As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
