Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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