Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
