True but thats because hes a fetus.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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