I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
