I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
