i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
