I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
