RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
