Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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