Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
