You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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