i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
