Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize