and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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