Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize