We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
