you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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