My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
