I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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