I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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