Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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