She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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