quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
