You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you traded sex for a burrito?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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