the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
