i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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