I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize