he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
