I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
