He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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