If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
