Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
