That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
