i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
