Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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