i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
