how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize