Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
