Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
