Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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