Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
