You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
