Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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