My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize