Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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