no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
