i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
