I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
