do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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