I think I just saw someone hide a body.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
