i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
