I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
