Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
