sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize