Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
