I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
