I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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