I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize