To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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