My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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