it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
