Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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