oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
