my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
