broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
