if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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